if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
