Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
