I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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