can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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