first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
