My hand turned me down
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
