Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
