she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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