Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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