Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
