someone threw a dead crab at me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Let's paint friendship bongs
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I want a musical about memes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
