i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
