after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
