Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
