I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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