Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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