He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
