thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
