Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
