Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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