I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Mom said you looked used
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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