its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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