shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I need moral support for this bender
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
