its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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