i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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