Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
