My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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