don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
