i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
