If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
