Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
