threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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