I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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