you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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