mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
