I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
