saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
