if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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