I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
