I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
