Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
