I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
