I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
