Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
