i jhust puked up my retainher.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
