I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
