I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
