the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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