oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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