Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
